I allow as I sit. I allow all to enter and I allow all of it to be felt. I do not wish to hide or dull these feelings; I am looking, as I always have done, at all that is passing and flowing through me. A lot of ugly, a lot of raw and hot energy. But my years of practice allow me to sit with it some more. To gently watch, without changing it, without wishing for something else, but to just allow. Hurts and All.
The coolness is here.. the coolness and lightness of wings of wisdom alongside my breath, breathing light back into My Now, breathing Life back into My Now. I cannot change this circumstantial pain, I cannot change this moment, but damn, I can allow the necessary space to feel the pain of it all, without the second arrow of pain.
I will not allow blackness to enter my heart. I can recognize that the lifelong spiritual training is a culmination to this point; this is where the work comes into play. To sit at my edge and to be able to release into it. I bow before these lessons and try to gracefully acknowledge and accept what growth I may walk away with. I know I was shown by these events that I am playing small; that I allow the other to make themselves big in my presence and I recognize that my boundaries relax in an effort to help the other person feel big.
Life is big and I shall live it. Not as full as usual, for that, I need some time. But I shall reclaim my soul and I shall reclaim my space within and trust that Love will lead the way.
I am still finding my balance. Still moving back into the space that is there after the suffering. That was always there in the suffering.. it just got lost under someone else.